i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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