Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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