I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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