After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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