Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
