You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
