The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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