My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
