That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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