i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
