Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
