my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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