Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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