Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
