you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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