I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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