yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
