just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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