i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
