Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
