...so i touched it.
Welp...herpes.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
should my penis look like a turkey
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
