Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
