Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
