I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
