i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
