I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
