And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
