Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
