she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
