I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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