So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
