my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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