You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
