after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
