I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
