my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
