Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
