Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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