It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
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