Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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