Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
