We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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