i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
