Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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