My brain says no but my pants say off.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
