We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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