Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize