the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
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