So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
