OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
