I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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