ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
