8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
