Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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