Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
