THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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