Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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