i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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