Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
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