She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
