just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
